you are stronger than i, you have some control over yourself and i admire that. and you are right, once you cry, it feels impossible to stop. I have cried 24 hours a day for the last week and a half. i think i may never stop. i wonder what could be so wrong with me that i wouldn't know after a decade of being together. i cry everywhere. i apologize to everyone. i am sure they all know, all look at me and think i must have known. since my address was posted, i cry when i check the mail, afraid there will be a flier or poster or nasty letter in there. how could i fail to protect myself, my daughter from this. i had spy programs on the computers... never anything. i never thought of the phone. the shame, the guilt that someone's child was abused for this, and my husband used it for pleasure kills me everytime i look at my own child, who i find it hard to look in the eyes anyway. what kind of mom doesnt know. going in public with this huge secret is unbearable. i too want to scream it out, tell everyone i see what a monster he is. i actually did during a breakdown at the storage facility sobbing please just give me a unit fast my husband is a child pornographer and i want everything he ever touched out of my house. it felt good to get it out, to not be burdened with his secret, to not feel like i was protecting his reputation for a second, but then they quickly told me they werent interested in helping us and pushed me out locking the door. i sat at the door begging them to just help me. not him. there was no us. they didnt care. they said they didnt want to help anyone that would be married to someone like that either. i can't say you will ever feel ok, because i honestly dont think i ever will. but you are not alone, its not just you, it feels that way for me too, isolating and lonely. Just know there is someone who would let scream or cry, who would talk to you, who wouldnt be disgusted, who wouldnt blame you.